I feel like last night God met me... I was in the garage refurbishing a dresser I had bought.
It was painted (ALOT) with this blue paint..it was beautiful, but not quite the color scheme I was going for.. so I began sanding it so I could paint it a different color. As I did this I swear I heard God tell me “do you see how easy some of that paint is coming off? ..the moment grit hit those places it couldn’t withstand the pressure? .” It was immediately like he began showing me this visual of why I started blessed for this mess...
I know it was a dresser but in that moment I saw the blue paint representing the “masking” that a lot of us women do to cover up the pain, the anger, the hurt, and the sadness of this journey they never asked for…& in that moment it hit me, I began realizing why I have been so passionate about getting to the root of things..why I’m so passionate about often times meeting you with words that are wrapped in depth to gracefully challenge your current position with your circumstances.. It’s because I knew if we didn’t challenge that position, or get to the root of subjects that are often hard to talk about, that the grit of life would not allow us to withstand this journey outside of survival.
As I was sanding, some of the paint was barely adhered to the dresser. I could at times take a piece of it and pull away some of that blue paint..He was showing me how easy some parts of the dresser were really easy to peel away, but other areas because they required more time & detail were harder to peel back... (representing that this journey of healing isn’t all easy. Certain parts of it take more time, more attention, while others will come off much more quickly).
I know the masking.. I operated heavily from this place for six months early on in my journey after we received my daughter's diagnosis. After a few big breakdowns that happened all unexpectedly..I understand the masking only covers up the dreams & visions we had expected, it covers up the pain that came to our doorstep the moment we realized our journeys were not going to be what we had expected or hoped for.. But it also covers up our freedom from processing all of those feelings to shift from the state of survival, to living a life undefined by those circumstances that surround us.
That dresser, as cliche as it is, showed me that no matter how hard we try to cover up that pain without first getting to the root of things...without giving ourselves the grace to process all of those emotions….simply
that life will throw at us.